*Carmageddon Saturday was lovely. I am so glad that everyone listened to the tweeting celebrities and such and stayed off the roads. It allowed the rest of us rebels to get to where we needed to get VERY FAST. Awesome!
*I'm afraid I'm getting diabetes. If you don't know, I'm a hypochondriac so it's never recommended to take me too seriously on the matters of my health. (Except for that one time my appendix was ACTUALLY swelling inside me and eventually burst inside my body. We all should have taken that more seriously.) But lately I've had insatiable hunger and lotsa thirst- and this chick at my work that got diagnosed with diabetes a couple years ago said that she found out about it after craving and pigging out constantly on terrible junk food and still losing 30 lbs... in 10 days. Whoa! I'm not losing any weight though :( Just my wallet is. Tonight it was a $4 cup at Yogurtland, followed by a Double Decker Supreme at TB. Incidentally, the last thing I ate before I felt symptoms of my appendicitis was 2 Double Deckers. Can't remember if they were supreme.
*You know, I probably would have diabetes being that I've already suffered from a malnourished-old-man ailment... that being gout. But only allegedly. And is appendicitis also attributed to bad diet? The thing is I don't even eat that bad! I have a pretty balanced diet!
*Roommates. I might have met my match. The new one might out-scream and out-drama me. This taste of my own medicine turns me into a more docile, kind, and understanding individual. (For the sake of survival. She's *intense* when she wants to be listened to.) So maybe it's a good thing?
*Speaking of those attributes- did I not mention the amazing book I'm reading? It's called "A Heart Like His: Making Space for God's Love in Your Life" by Virginia H. Pearce. It is so simple and yet I can't do it justice by trying to explain it. It talks about opening your heart in a very practical way, and the way that enables you to give love and also feel God's love because of it. It has already made a difference in my life.
*Even though I have felt pretty successful with my endeavors to be a better/happier person, I'm still slipping off my little regime lately. I don't know why. I'm going a million miles per hour again, trying to do everything in the world, and I need to chill out. I need to meditate, go to bed on time and get the sleep I need, and accept what is happening or not happening in any given moment and not be seeking for something else- whatever it may be- Taco Bell, going to the beach, hanging with friends.
*Saturdays are hard. I have so many things I need to get done, just within the walls of my own home (weird, I don't think of my apartment as "my home" necessarily) but I get SO ANTSY to do things like GO TO THE BEACH because I feel like I'm wasting the beautiful day if I don't. Silly. I realized today that it's kind of irrational for me to feel that way because it's not like it will be the last beautiful Saturday of my whole life. So I should just sit still, and sew the dang pillows for my family's living room already!!!! (But even after that revelation I went to TJ Maxx... and Yogurtland and Taco Bell.)
*I got a lot of music off my friend Ashley's computer. Sweeeet. I have listened to John Mayer's "Battle Studies" album like 8 times now. Somehow... I feel emotionally connected to his music. I don't know why.
*Lila, if you were here I'd have you help me figure out how to move my room around. And then I'd have you help me do it.
*I love having my own room now and having all this space and getting all my sewing things in the room with me! I feel so... complete or something.
*So lately, I haven't gone to therapy. I've had soooooooooo much info enter my ears from so many sources that I'm now just trying to process it and try out this-or-that and see where it takes me. I have no more space available for even my therapist's wise advice. Besides that open heart book being awesome and helpful, and me trying to catch my negative thinking, and making at least a mental note (if not a physical, written one) of my "victories", the thing I've been stuck on as of late is my approach with the opposite sex. Somehow I came to the conclusion that I'm not charming enough/I don't flirt/make my interest clear. (Today at a bridal shower when I mentioned that I don't flirt, I was quickly and strongly disagreed with though.) Ashley taught me "LLT"- "Lean, Laugh, Touch." She also unabashedly smiles, even grins at guys from across the room to send them a message. All of this feedback has only made me more aware of how HARDENED, GUARDED, and MISTRUSTING of men I am. But it coincided with learning about opening my heart in a very-doable way so... well I can START to improve my approach :)
*I don't know what else to say. I can't wait to fall asleep. I only got 5 hours last night because my body now automatically wakes up by 9. And i'm already thinking about the french toast I will probably make for breakfast tomorrow. Oh geez. Get a hold of yourself Ashley Jane.
ashley your great. i love reading your posts and learning more about you, they're great.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kerry! That's the best. For reals. :)
ReplyDeletei also loved this post (and all others) because I also get to know you better. people are so gaurded and cynical anymore (sadly this includes myself sometimes) but not you. you are open and honest. ahhhhh. great to hear.
ReplyDeleteI am so honored you would want me to help you move your room around! ;) send me dimentions of walls/closets/windows/furnature and i'll get right on it. lol. ... ha ha ha, i'm not kidding, send it. :0) xoxo we love you and miss you. wish you could come visit tennessee.