Ashley is doing well, with help.

Things are going well. I'm learning new things about myself. I'm making new friends. I'm feeling calmer and more content. I intend on being an all-around happier and more satisfied person in the future.

I've mentioned therapy before and no one said anything- maybe because they think it's awkward or I was way too vague. The fact is- I'm seeing a therapist. And I want you people to know this because I want you to know that this better-self that will be emerging will have been obtained with help- that I'm very grateful for. Certainly it will come through effort of my own, but also with the inspiration, education, understanding, and guidance of my therapist, and also with the accountability that comes with seeing her on a regular basis. The latter I'm discovering is essential to my improvement because it helps me stay on track. What probably lands me in therapy in the first place is my tendency to not stay on track and not be able to guide myself well :/ See- this is why it's great to have these helpers out there! Some of us need it more than others and for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't have to be shameful or awkward or whatever it may seem.

One thing my therapist asked me in one of our last sessions was, "Why don't you want to be happy?" Out of the blue. I was a little shocked at the idea but I could see why she came to that conclusion. So... I'm working on it. Figuring out how to be content with my life as it is at any given moment and not always be wishing for or wanting more/something else/someone else to be satisfying these "holes" I find in myself.

I have all sorts of things about myself that I want to get to the bottom of with my therapist (we'll call her Dr. T [T for Therapist]) but I can see that learning how to become "happy" first will either nullify the other issues, or be helpful to know how to do first, before I move onto more specific concerns. So here are the things I have been told to do on the daily- most of which I would do or mean to do every day anyway:

Pray

Read my scriptures

Exercise

Sleep enough/on a regular schedule.

(All the above to generally keep my moods good 'n' stable)

Count to 10 before reacting to things (on account of my over-emotional, "not very trustworthy" thinking, haha)

MEDITATE.

This book that she had me get at the beginning of our meeting together a few months ago is what contains the CD of meditations and the ideas that will help me get happy. She knew I wasn't depressed so don't mind the title so much...

http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286

The content seems a little "hokey" maybe but it's just not. When it's put into practice you see the benefit it makes in your life. So if any of you are not happy or have a history of depression- I would highly recommend this book and DEFINITELY trying the meditations, as dumb as they seem. They are basically training sessions on teaching yourself how to think/NOT THINK. If there's anything I do too much of it's THINK. And that's another reason I landed myself in therapy :) "I have too many thoughts for one person" is something I say.

Anyway, that's all. I just want you to know because this task of self-improvement/self-happiness is pretty much the biggest focus of my life right now. So this is what I'm up to, and when you don't hear from me, I'm just busy living and trying to do it in a healthy, happier way than ever before.